Fuck me, just stole a 150€ sleeping bag….that felt awful. The girl who unlocked it from the wires and electronic tag for me was so nice. Showed me how it rolls out and packs up again. I put it in my bag and pulled off the RFID tag…. Selected x4 pairs of warm socks, to fufil a “composite theft” as I term it. There was a slight commotion with the guy in front of me at the register. My heart beat fast, I was shaking as I inspected the energy bar as cover.
I think with “this corporation” I don’t feel so bad? It will take them x2 months to realise something is amuk. I could never steal from a farmer or a friend. I think I only feel bad because of the nice girl. It will take x2 minutes to fire her. But you know you’re in the clear when you walk past the guard, catch him under his nose. I walked with pace out of the mall, into the heavy rain, through the streams of all the decent people, my shoes began to squish and bubble in the dissappointed puddles. Ordering x4 beers at the bar I went to with the Frenchies the other night, to relax. To google “Kleptomaniac” and find out I am most likely just a dick.
I am currenly wearing stolen “this corporation” shoes, harbouring a stolen “this corporation” bag; sweet lord saviour do I have a problem? I normally only ever always steal chillies from supermarkets? It was the wrong thought to have, mid-heist, but that is definitely the most expensive thing I’ve ever stolen….I pull off my drenched socks and put my new ones on. I eat nurmerous and over salted peanuts, everything begins to feel dry and droughted. I went there with clear intentions to buy it, now unclear in what power I always seem to long to grasp. Yes, it is all on me.
After downing my x4 drinks in my escape-away bar, a dinner of mixed rice, soup and eggplant with mince meat, a x1 beer in a live music bar, where they served my beer with popcorn and peanuts though I did not ask for peanuts and hence got them taken off the bill, I walked the lush sideways avoiding the smiling and beaming main street, and I paused to take pretty pictures of all the umbrellas hung atop the alley. Soon after I looked down at my bag, which prior I thought was weird that I flipped the zip to the ground to catch less rain, and lo and behold, look and smell my karma-lade spread on my cosmic toast; I’ve lost my wallet. In one fell fall I lost 60€ and all my cards. I walked up and down the street, back to the bar, whom offered me peanuts again, back down the steps and the snazzy restaurants, into every shop I held out a google translate to the owner “Cüzdanımı kaybettim” but to no avail. Told to give up! This is Taksim Square! Yes, it is all on me.
I walk down to the Karakoy docks but walk away and over the bridge, as they looked empty and shut. I arrive over the otherside over the bridge, counting exactly 5 Lira of coins in my bag, precisely the amount for a ferry home. I arrive and a man cooking corn tells me I have to walk back over as the ferries have stopped by this time by this side. I grunt at the world and begin walking back over. I find a bottle of water on a restaurant table and swoop it up; though I’m well sober now. x3 hours of wallowing. From Half drunk, to now Fully aware of myself.
On the other side the ticket counter is empty, I don’t have a card to swipe. The security guard shrugs his shoulders. I show him the screenshot of my translation “Cüzdanımı kaybettim” and he shrugs again. Soon a man approaches the card swipers, the security man asks him if he can swipe twice, so then the tourist can give you his coins. Refusing my coins, the man shrugs his hand up politely and smiles “it’s on me”.
Yes, it is all on me.
I leave the ferry after everyone, as I had fallen asleep. My wrinkled feet hurt from the dampness. Everything is heavy. I walk up to order a durum. I ask what the man in front of me is having, “is that the 5 lira durum?” No that’s the 8 lira durum. I seriously was opening up my bags to get some more coins I had discovered, when the man with the 8 lira durum gave me his, and in realising he only had 10 lira, he walked away saying he’d get another one elsewhere. “Ok!?” and a big “Thanks!?” was all I could muster. I walked away thinking about the peculiarities of the evening. Wishing for a normal night. I had sworn as soon as I walked away from where I dropped my wallet, that I would never steal again. The man who gave me his durum had said in gestures “it’s on me”, as he walked away smiling into the wet night by the pier.
Yes, it is all on me.
Always steal chillies 